boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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