My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just cropdusted the office
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
