It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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