Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
