so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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