Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
