woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
