And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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