if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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