After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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