lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
