her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
