You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
