Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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