did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
