what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Randomize
