hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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