It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize