you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
