this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
