and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
