Porn is love you can see.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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