i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
