guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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