You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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