I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
