I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
