i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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