please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
