I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
