They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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