I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
