I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
