I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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