I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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