Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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