Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You can't just leave with hair like that
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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