There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
