I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
