this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize