I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
