idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
