How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
