Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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