You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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