So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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