is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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