I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
