do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
