Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
