Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
