Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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