Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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