dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
