If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
