Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
