I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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