It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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