I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
