My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
