totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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