I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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