so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
