Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
