guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
