So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
