Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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