Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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