i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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