She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Non-Jews are for practice
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
