take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize