You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Help. Why am I so naked?
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