so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
