and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
