Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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