Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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