You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
